Feeling Emo

I promised myself that I would not go public with my problems, but hey, I think that it's okay to be emo sometimes, maybe healthy even.

In good old teenage angst form, go ahead and bang your head against the wall, throw things around the room, break a few CDs in half (they're obsolete anyway), and make song mixes devoted to those you have lost or are acting out against. Then zip into your car, wearing heavy eyeliner and vintage clothing, drive to nowhere, and sing along as if Cameron Crowe is watching you. You can brood and mood at the mall, the local bar, or in your best friend's basement.

Just don't act out this way too long or you may become chronic emo, which you know, is just sad. You'll end up cutting your wrists and writing really bad poetry, citing everything as ironic and twisted. Enough said.

Me, I've been emo the past few weeks, for reasons that some of you are aware of, and some of you aren't aware of. I'm not the type to name bash and trash all over the web. Yes, there was a time when I would do that, but it's been eons since that era in high school. Although, because no one reads this blog beyond Noreen, Gina and Lori (I think, correct me if I am wrong, dear readers), I feel as though I could bash the person that I am angry with and get away with it. He or she would never know.

The person that I am angry at right now is someone that I once highly respected and cherished. What does this have to do with South Jersey and forgotton places? One word: nostalgia. This is a person that I have an unfortunate nostalgic attachment to- everything around me here in South Jersey is reminiscent of this one-time friend of mine- but mostly the neighborhood we grew up in, the diners we ate at, and the high school that we spent lots of time in. Memories mean everything to an emo nostalgic person like me- that's what we thrive on- the good old days, the photographs, the parties and the life changing events that we went through.

Because I can't get too personal, I can't really express what I am going through right now. All I can say is that when you lose a friend because he or she no longer feels that you are important enough to talk to, or if your friendship is in trouble, and that person doesn't feel that it's worth saving, it's probably one of the worst feelings in the world. I'd put it up there next to ending a romantic relationship, losing a job that you love, or finding out your favorite t.v. show was cancelled (now there's a reason to get emo).

No, in truth, it's not a joke. Friendship is to be taken seriously. If any of you readers are experiencing a problem with a friend that you truly care about, I suggest that you talk to that person right away. Don't be a coward and hide, because when that friendship is really lost and has exhausted all resources, you will feel so alone, even if like me, you have all the friends that you ever really needed.

And to all of you out there who have been my friend and will continue to stay my friend- I care about all of you so much, even if I do not always show it. I will make a promise right now to ever talk if I feel that our friendships are in danger, and I want you to promise me the same.

My emo day is coming to an end. Tomorrow I will be a stronger, wiser and better person- because I have to be. Nothing feels worse than wallowing in your own pain for too long. Plus, it's really important to shower. I have to be a good person, daughter, sister, wife, teacher, pet mommy, writer, student and friend- and I can't do those jobs if I'm feeling sorry for myself.

I'm not going to let this hurt me.