Nostalgia is a Disease

You know, today, I gave away some things that were once dear to me, but I gave them to my good friend, Gina, as I know that she would preserve them well.

I've always had a hard time giving up things. It was hard for me at Cowtown over the summer to part with my rainbow pillow. It's been hard for me to clean out my room and take things to my new house that are only of extreme importance or use to me. I can't be a pack rat anymore.

I get nostalgic for all old times. I can guaruntee that next year, I'll be pining for this year, and so on and so forth. That's how I am. Sometimes the past always looks better to me. I'm rarely a future person- thinking about a great future; I'm much more into the past. It's why I have this blog. I get sad when things go away that remind me of my childhood. Like, why doesn't anyone play Dawson's Creek reruns anymore? Why did Roy Rogers have to shut down and only become highway rest stops? Why are they remodelling the Phily Diner? Most recently, why does my former good fried hate my guts?

It's the same reason why I watch Titanic at least once a month for- I'm like, longing for something that I cannot have, or ever get back to-even though the future is probably a wonderful place full of wonderful things.

When my grandmother died, for days, all I did was stare at photographs of her and the Florida house, and just tried remembering her. When I miss someone or something, that's what I do. I focus on that era. Then I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could change things or relive things.

It makes me wish sometimes that I was still a little girl, because I had a really great childhood, and I don't remember bad things happening to me then. I had toys and a family and a dog and a nice house. I sang a song about Tinkberbell that I made up while I swang on the swings. Sometimes I wonder if my parents miss those times, or if they wish I was a little girl again too. I know I will miss being in the house with them once I am married.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only person with nostalgia disease. Does this prevet me from moving forward and becoming the best person I can be? But then I wonder what would happen if I were to forget. If I forgot Peppy my old dog, or my grandmother, what would happen? If I forgot my friend, would I feel better about my life?

I know we cannot stop time and we can't change things at all. But I just wish that the future looked more pleasant to me than the past has become.

I guaruntee you, that in a year from now, I'll be pining for this moment.